Monday, August 30, 2010

Today is a FIRST

Today is the first day of the rest of my exercise life.  What?  Yeah, that's what I said, I am going to the gym and I'm hoping that it's the start of something big.  God knows I need exercise to give my body a  jump start.My metabolism must be low, I am losing at the rate of one pound a month since I joined OA in November 2009.  That's not bad, but I think it could be a little more.  Maybe the Silver Sneakers classes I signed up for last week could give me that loss.  If not, I'll be happy with what I have.  After all, OA is not a weight loss club by any means.  It's more of a spiritual thing.  God is my Higher Power, the group's HP.  Everything centers on Him.  We do what we can, and ask Him to help us do the rest.  Sometimes His help comes through other people.  That's only His way of letting us know He's listening and watching over us.  Divine Providence, that's what it is!

Getting back to the Silver Sneakers.  I signed up last week, but haven't been to a class yet.  Why?  Because I'm scared, frightened, whatever you want to call it.  I have myself in a tizzy about going.  I have never been to an exercise class...I have never been to a gym.  This is a FIRST for me....and it scares me.  Why? Well, because I don't much like myself in exercise clothing.  I went out looking for something to wear and ended up with long jersey-type pants that I had to cut 4 inches off and hem.  But, I kind of like myself in those pants so they will become my regular exercise pants.  I also got a woman's tight fitting black v-neck T that has in white on the left side above the heart.  With OA and SparkPeople supporting me how can I not be a winner? 

I posted about the fears I have in my SP blog and got a comment that could only be sent from my HP above. I told you He works through other people sometimes, I believe that firmly.  My whole attitude about exercise and going to my first gym class has improved over night.  Yesterday I was feeling "sick" about it.  My mental thoughts drove me to the brink of getting one of those awful IBS episodes taking me back to the days when we used to make the trip to the Univ of Pitt taking my daughter's stuff, unpacking it, and then driving home. Most of the time I ended up staying home because I would only be a burden if I went. Fear and  IBS is so disabling and crippling.  I think it needs to be nipped in the bud because it can have a great surge and last for days and be fed by constant fear of getting another one.  A vicious cycle indeed.  Fear is something that needs to be tackled,  confronted, and  overcome.  Agoraphobics can understand what I'm talking about I think.  That fear is very similar.  Staying home inside the walls of your abode is a safe place.  It's safe but it makes you a prisoner. By not venturing outside those walls, you aren't confronting the fear itself.  And that's what keeps the fear going like a vicious cycle.  It just never ends until you put your foot down and say -- I am not going to let this rule my life.  I am going to give it my best and most honest attempt.  Trusting in myself, and of course trusting in God, as my Protector and Guide is a good way to start this gym adventure. My affirmation today is:  I am self-confident and I trust in God.  Amen.

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